I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
