The maid of honor just puked.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
