you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
