It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
