In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
