She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
