proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
