Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
