Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
