I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
