if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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