I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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