the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
