Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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