The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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