Just fell off a train. Bad.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
