Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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