if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I want is dick and wine.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
