My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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