if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
