So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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