Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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