the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
