somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
