Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
