Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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