i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
