just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
