Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
