does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
