I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
