I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
