I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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