At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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