I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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