My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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