My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
