Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
