I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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