Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
