Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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