He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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