I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
