Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
