he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
