last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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