Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise