Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...

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  (412): And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas... http://tfl.nu/n2co
  Replies (1) Good night (885) Bad night (1102)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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  (772): Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend http://tfl.nu/ot3u
  Replies (3) Good night (844) Bad night (1061)
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  (212): View more from New York

  that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me

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  (212): that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me http://tfl.nu/xacv
  Replies (22) Good night (1344) Bad night (1015)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.

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  (401): he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/e3p6
  Replies (36) Good night (1051) Bad night (5064)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating

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  (330): He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating http://tfl.nu/fig2
  Replies (7) Good night (2760) Bad night (2411)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.

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  (501): Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money. http://tfl.nu/efs0
  Replies (5) Good night (2359) Bad night (787)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.

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  (937): Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car. http://tfl.nu/1lh8
  Replies (7) Good night (597) Bad night (1904)
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  (984): View more from North Carolina

  i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.

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  (984): i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight. http://tfl.nu/cncx
  Replies (22) Good night (4369) Bad night (1051)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.

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  (313): Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/aqg4
  Replies (0) Good night (1258) Bad night (528)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco

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  (920): I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco http://tfl.nu/0jwt
  Replies (5) Good night (813) Bad night (699)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in

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  (208): He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in http://tfl.nu/d89r
  Replies (10) Good night (3232) Bad night (864)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink

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  (402): I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink http://tfl.nu/3wto
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (381)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i might be a female sloth

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  (617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr
  Replies (5) Good night (1925) Bad night (371)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...

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  (603): I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked... http://tfl.nu/22n2
  Replies (4) Good night (387) Bad night (735)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX

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  (602): FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX http://tfl.nu/s82z
  Replies (8) Good night (552) Bad night (195)

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