I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.