the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?