what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger