I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex