plz talk dirty to me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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