well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son