i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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