my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize