Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
