i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
