Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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