why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
