I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
