Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
