About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
