so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
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Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize