I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
