just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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