I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
