I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
