and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
