There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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